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What to say after an argument with your partner

Most couples argue. What matters is what happens in the next hour. A pause, a clear sentence and a real apology do more than a perfect speech.

Pause before you continue

When you are flooded with anger, your thinking narrows. Many couples therapists suggest taking a break of at least twenty minutes, and saying when you will come back so the other person does not feel abandoned.

A simple sentence: "I want to continue this when I can give it my full attention. I would like to take a break first."

Wording that tends to help

Start with how you feel and what you need, not what they did wrong.
Name one specific thing instead of "always" and "never".
Apologize for your part without adding a "but".
Ask for help or a boundary in plain words.

When to get more help

An app cannot replace couples counselling. If conflict feels frightening, controlling or unsafe, contact a qualified professional or a local support line.

How UnFight approaches it

UnFight: Couples & Marriage is a free iPhone app from Honest Little Apps. Everything below comes from its App Store description.

You open the app and answer one question: What would help right now?
Options include a quick or longer guided pause, or grounding if breathing exercises are not for you.
An optional break timer (5, 20 or 30 minutes, custom, or none) comes with an editable message that you send yourself if you choose. Nothing is ever sent for you.
Say It Right covers nine situations, from needing a break to apologizing, setting a boundary and saying thank you, and gives an editable Brief, Gentle or Direct draft.
Nothing is saved unless you tap Save.

See UnFight on the App Store Read the full UnFight page